I think I have always suffered a level of depression. My father died when I was 6 years old and that was the beginning. At its worst not being able to get out of bed and a dread of leaving the house, but almost always thinking I had said the wrong thing or could have handled a situation better.

I partied a lot in my teenage years and twenties. It helped to mask the feelings of inadequacy that were a constant companion. It seemed to help for a while. I felt I belonged. However, ultimately it led to an increased feeling of self loathing and I ended up retreating even more.

From the outside I was able to make it look like life was OK. Somehow I held down a job and raised 3 kids. This did not help the feeling that I was a fraud. I did use talking therapy and this helped but the rumination persisted.

I had just left a corporate job and was feeling really burnt out. Something needed to change in my life.

I could have never foreseen the emotional release that working with the breath activated within me. Initially it was so shocking to tap into how my body was feeling I wanted to run away. Learning to self regulate gave me a choice. When you are running on adrenaline and stuck in the sympathetic nervous system you loose that choice.

I am so much happier, healthier, more relaxed and the constant rumination has disappeared. It is a journey that is still unfolding. Most importantly for me I have learnt to trust myself and have found a practice that has opened a whole new world to me.